Loss for Words

There are so many changes taking place right now that I really am not sure what to even blog about. It is like there are words in my head, but they are in the form of those crazy distorted images that are used as security measures. I have learned over the past few months how manipulative people can truly be, and in some of the least expected situations and places. Seeing things around me unravel helps me to understand my behavior at times. I know that I am totally guilty and in many of those cases, I do not even realize it. Sometimes though, I can see someones wheels turning as they talk, in that way to drag information out and not because they want to indulge in conversation. Sometimes I hear it in their voice, and see it in their actions, that they are just pining for information. Occasionally, I discover through trials of my own that people will say just about anything, to anyone, to get what they want or to avoid responsibility at all cost. Certain people can twist a situation to such proportions that it is impossible to understand where it all began and how it could ever be resolved. A labyrinth of lies is created that makes any sort of clean break impossible. And it is always too late when I realize I have pretty much been had. Sadly, sometimes I realize I have been fed lies on purpose, for many different reasons. The trouble is, separating myself from those situations. There are certain times in my life, that I have faced and have yet to face, where I will have to just bite the bullet. Parts of me wants to fight and stand up for myself, and others dealing with the same issues. Could one person really be a game changer? Much of me also says I have to keep the bigger picture in mind, stay steadfast in my goals. So, in order to get where I want to go in life, I have to sit by and let these people abuse their power and status. A multitude of inappropriate realities get swept under the rug by many parties involved, including those with the ability to improve them. Another issue I am faced with is whether or not fighting will even be worth it. Will my peace of mind be enough, or will I feel completely defeated? Going forward and addressing some issues could potentially put me right back in the hot seat. Yes, it's true, I will have to bite the bullet, no matter how undeserving at times. And if I know me, that is going to feel like defeat.

I guess it is pretty obvious that I am ranting a smidgen. There are many situations, every day, no matter how big or small, that bring these thoughts to light. Manipulation applies to so many different areas of life that can seem incredibly petty to completely monstrous. To me, the real goal is to make sure that I am not doing this, as I know I have caught myself many times.

Current Goals Update: Mission Flabuless is still underway. I had 3 days of workout last week, and will be trying out new gyms soon. By workouts I mean, quick lunch trip, home exercise, and a run. I had a little too much fun on Saturday and I am pretty sure my sweat was 100 proof yesterday. I know because of my failed attempt to hang by the pool. Way too hot for someone with a dizzy head. Sunday workout, or productivity of any sort: FAIL. Gotta do better, big reminder of why I have been making changes in the first place.

I also managed to get the position I interviewed for, and signed my first official offer last week. Thank Heavens!!! I am so looking forward to that change and what the new adventure holds. Honestly though, I am nervous and terrified because it is all going to be Greek to me.

No horseback riding yet, we had to cancel due to an injury, but as soon as I get back from the beach (woo hoo), I will be working to get that back on track. 

Still looking for a good book too. Suggestions appreciated :)